Lessons On Parenting
I’m sitting here on the eve of my sons arrival into this world with a lot on my mind. I’m worried about tomorrow and that we may have forgotten something. I’m trying to make sure we’re all packed and have all the bases covered.
I also I can’t help but think back on my childhood tonight. I’m thinking about all of the pressures I felt growing up fat, especially from my family. I don’t know why it’s in my head right now. Well I do I guess … I’m worried about the week coming up and staying on track. I’m worried about being a good father to another baby. I’m worried about making mistakes. I have a lot going on in my head but in my thoughts I want to share some lessons and ideas with my future self and others who are interested.
Food is at the root
One of the things I remember fondly when I was really really young was sitting at the dinner table with my family. I know from experience that kids at the dinner table can be a handful but one thing I remember fondly at that table was eating my moms home cooked dinners. They tasted great … a bit too great I think. I certainly can’t remember a meal that I didn’t eat at least two helpings of everything in front of me. This was something I really want to try to understand and handle better going forward. Not that growing kids don’t need good wholesome food, I just want to make sure it’s out of need and not comfort.
About midway through my childhood my family became like so many others and joined the divorce club. After that I can’t remember many meals at the dining table let alone anything that was healthy being eaten at all. It’s a blur of fast food like chicken nuggets, candy, chips, and random restaurants. At a time when I could have used good healthy food I was instead thrown into the middle of stressful family battles where good nutrition was an after thought.
I want to strive to understand and control what my kids are eating. I’m going to be leading by examples introducing them to new foods that they will enjoy, that taste good, and are good for them. With websites like Super Healthy Kids and GreenLiteBites combined with good cookbooks and a strong motivation I know we can do it.
Stay active together
When I was 6 or 7 years old was the last time I remember my parents going for a bike ride with me or my brother. I think that was also about the same time when they stopped playing with us all together. I don’t know why exactly but we were always being told to go play but they never wanted to play with us.
Maybe I’m just in an early mode of parenting but I love playing with my kids. I spent all day today playing with my daughter. I took her to the park twice, played in the yard with her, and then inside it was non stop playing all day. I can’t imagine a day that I don’t want to play with them and hope that I never do.
I know there will be a time when they don’t want to play with me, when they’ll grow up and prefer to play with their friends … that’s cool. I do know as a family we’ll still be going for bike rides, swimming, camping, walking, and maybe they’ll even want to exercise with me when they’re old enough. I want to always stay active with them and lead by example.
Never make them feel like they can’t …
I don’t ever want to make my children feel like they can’t do something. I don’t want to make them feel small by calling them names and telling them they’re fat. I can’t tell you the number of times my father and I got into fights where it ended with him calling me “fat and useless”. Not exactly inspiring and parental is it? During anger and fighting things are always said that people regret but I firmly believe that those things said in anger are rooted by actual thoughts and opinions.
The funny part about his words was that I used them as fuel to never be like my father. I sit here today looking back at them as a lesson on what not to do with my children. I don’t want my kids to have to have to do that … that’s not the kind of legacy or memory I want them to have of their parents.
I will do everything I can to make them feel like they can and will do anything they put their mind to. It’s my parental responsibility to make sure they aren’t harmed, are given every opportunity, and have a healthy mental and physical environment to grow and learn.
Looking forward
Sorry if this is kinda a rantish posting. Some of my childhood memories are less than ideal but they made me who I am today. As I look forward to my son arriving I hope I continue to be the father for my children that I never had. I want to strive to be someone they respect, enjoy spending time with, and learn from.
Thanks for lending me an ear. I’m out for a few days but I’ll try to find some time to post pictures. Take care …
Wow, such wisdom here. Before I comment on the meat of your post I just want to again say Congratulations and I really hope all goes well during delivery for both baby and mother (and you!). Sending lots of positive energy your way!
Onto the meat of your post…I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written here. Growing up we NEVER ate at the dining room table. Ever. Not even for holidays. We always just made our plates and ate in the living room while watching TV. No wonder I had bad eating habits! I’m also a child of divorce…and have also been berated by my ‘father figure’. It’s no fun being 14 and being told you’re useless. UGH. I’m not a perfect parent by any means, but I could never even imagine saying anything remotely similar to my girls.
You are making strides now to ensure that your children will have the kind of parents they will look up to…and they will. They will see their dad a strong, committed, loving person who wanted nothing but the best for them. This post of yours touched me deeply, thank you so much for sharing on such a personal level.
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I think a parents words are so hugely important, I too couldn’t imagine saying the words my father said to me to my children. I’m just not wired that way thankfully.
It’s important for me to write about my journey … to me it’s an integral part of this experience and only makes me stronger and more resolved. I’m happy it touched a chord someone like yourself, hopefully in a positive light.
My wife and I greatly appreciate the positive energy, thank you.
I had a conversation with my roommate just yesterday about how our world would be a better place if parents would just tell their kids how much they love them, and that they’re proud of them. Like, every day. I got really lucky with my parents, I think, but there’s a lot of people out there who are being held back, even as adults, because of the things they were told and the way they were treated throughout their childhood. Mostly by their parents – the very people who are supposed to love them unconditionally!
Reading your post, though…gosh, I have no doubt that you’re going to be an amazing parent. Well, actually, it’s clear that you already are!
All the best,
Heather
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I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve always been someone who tells my wife constantly how much I love her. I do the same with my little girl, she’s bring joy to me every day.
Thank you for the kind words, they made me smile
First of all, prayers lifted and good vibes sent your way that your new baby arrives healthy and beautiful (I KNOW he will be).
I think that all good parents question themselves – are we doing enough? Do we praise our children enough? Do we give them enough love and attention? In my life, I am both Mom and Dad. My son does not have a father figure, and I do worry that his lack of a good male role model might someday affect him, although he doesn’t know any differently now. I make do the best I can and hope it sticks.
You’re an awesome Dad to your daughter, Sean! You will be an awesome Dad to your son, too!
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Thank you for the kind words … I think your right that all good parents question what they’re doing and if they’re doing it right. If we didn’t I think we’d be on autopilot probably missing or neglecting the signs our children were giving us.
Great post, I have a lot of the same feelings about how I want to raise my kids. I hope everything went well for your family today.
As a side note, my 2 year old son had almost the exact same costume for Halloween this year
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